another sad story

I have been really emotional these past few days. Maybe because it was holy week and I had the time to think and reasses the things that has been happening in my life.  Well then, here’s another sad story.

I was pretty jealous of those families that went out of town last holy week. I just stayed at home. We asked dad if we coild go to the beach or something, and as usual he said that HE HAS WORK.

During holy week? Damn. If its true that he works during the holidays just liek what he always uses as an excuse, then I definitely think that his boss should double or even triple the digits man. But then again, he’s just with them.

"I cant accept the fact that he chooses to be with them istead of us. Now tell me, who could blame me for hating him?"

Mom always tell us not to hate dad because at least he did not desert us. Should I thank him for that? He’s just doing that because that is what everyone expects him to do and maybe to clear his conscience as well. I just wish that I wouldnt be affected anymore but he always hurt my feelings.

"For everything that he has done, Im hurt and the pain is so deep, deeper that anybody knows"

damn love

Some things are never meant to last and some things are not even meant to start, period. Ive been fishing around for years and still, trying to look for someone..Ive never really posted anything about this or even talked to anyone because Im afraid that people might think that Iam desperate.. Im not, because if Iam, I might have had settled for anyone that crossed my way years ago.

Maybe because of ___. My first major relationship was so great that I really had a hard time finding a replacement. Its just that it’s true. When you came from a decent relationship , it becomes your standard of a new one thus making it hard to be replaced.

It has been 4 years of meeting new fishes.  Yeah it has been tooo long.It has been 4 years of exchanging smiles and pretensions with Mr. Almosts. Why am I so afraid? I have always thought Im ready for a new relationship. Yes I am. But the world isn’t just too ready for me yet. Hindi ako mapili, sweet talks just dont win me over and this cruel world enjoys hooking me up with the wrong crowd:

Mr. Too hot to handle. Major goal nia sa buhay is to get laid. that’s it.

Youngster. Younger than me gusto pa yata akong gawing sex teacher..Ewwww

Mabait sana kaya  lang sa sobrang bait nagiging walang kwenta

Mr. Too good to be true. OA magpropose di pa kayo kasal na gusto pag usapan.

Dare me guy. Keeps on daring me to try on a relationship with him just to see if it’ll work. ASA! 

at higit sa lahat yung di na cute, di pa mabait, di professional at di matalino pero overflowing ang confidents!  say it again confidents!

I am not ashamed of this because I dont believe that love finds you,  instead you go out and look for it. You meet new people and take new chances. In love, you always try and try but dont settle easily for the one who’s around and pending. Yes I  met new guys, took chances,  almost fell in love and ended up hurting myself because there will always be something thats not right. And I refuse to correct that myself, for it only means one thing—–it’s not love yet.That hurts. It hurts because Im selfish, it hurts because Im weak. I hated myself for not being able to choose my battles wisely. It only takes a sincere man to melt my heart. How come he hasn’t arrived yet?

I can only pray that you’re on the way.