what made me think im the priority and not just an option? Stupid me.

there’s nothing more painful than being hurt for the same exact reason, and what’s worse is that deep inside I know that Im ready to face the same pain over and over just to be with him.

He said he likes me. But I guess that’s not enough. He makes me feel special but were just friends. M.U? I dont know, and it sucks.BIGTIME.

But the hell with it, he makes me happy and I thought that’s enough. Well that’s what I thought.  Being with him is like standing in the rain, it feels good but deep inside,you know its going to make you sick. I was happy just being with him, but in this type of situation, I was never prepared to the fact that one day he could come up to me and say that he has another girl and of course, who am i to blame him if im just a friend, right?…

He broke up with his ex. With the f**** ex. He said that they are trying to fix things but he realized that It’ll never gonna work out. Shocking. I never thought he’s still talking with the ex. Much more, trying to build a broken relationship. Well, I should be happy, thrilled and full of joy. The important thing is IT DIDNT WORK OUT. 

But that’s not the case. I felt like a toy that was set aside when the kid found the long lost barbie doll. I felt stupid, I felt betrayed. So all this time, when I was dealing with my feelings for him and thinking that its okay to be hurt just to be with him, he was out there exchaging hugs and sweet kisses with the long lost ex. When I was in my bed thinking of the times that we spent together, he was out there with another girl. Stupid me.

What made me think that he will love me? What made me think that he’ll stay? What made me think that Im the priority and not just the option.

I said im done. I said Im through. Its about time to let go of the things that hurt me even if they make me happy. I dont want the time to come that all the happiness was gone and all I could feel is the pain. I’ll let him go.

But deep inside I know I cant. What should I do?…Make me dumb, right now.

a story of lies and false promises

“I have never felt so toyed-with, so carelessly set aside, here is the man I trusted and he was breaking my heart before my very eyes”

DAMN IT. Who’s that girl? I kept thinking. But why do i care anyways? I don’t know either. But all I know is that I was hurt. Simply because I thought he was different but then again, he’s just like anybody else.

It all starts with the question why. What did I do? Questions are all over my head and I have a thousand of could-be reasons why he did that to me. Maybe because he didn’t like me enough, maybe because he was too afraid to get hurt or maybe he thought that I like someone else. Maybe, just maybe. So many questions that needs to be answered to mend the aching heart.

I felt like crap.Was I that dispensable? How can it be that easy for him to ignore me like this?
The worst part is that I had given my best, but I was left behind. He chose someone over me and didn’t even care about what I would THINK or FEEL. Without any warnings, he chose to break my heart and all I got were lies and false promises.